TOS Insights

Ano ang Paroroonan Mo?
(Where are you going?)
by Randy Lizardo

Do you think you know what it means to be a Filipino American youth? What happens when an entire generation is forced to straddle two entirely different cultures? How is this experience manifested in that person or more appropriately, within that generation? At one point, I honestly believed that my knowledge and experiences enabled me to answer such questions with confidence. I've read some books, I've been to conferences, and I've dialogued with fellow Pinoys and Pinays on these issues. Which is why when I came across the opportunity to participate in a study-abroad program in the Philippines, I felt as though this would provide me with the opportunity to simply refine my understanding of my own sense of identity. But by the end of the first week however, I was literally crying before my fellow classmates during a processing workshop because I was slowly discovering how little I actually knew about my history, my culture, and in essence, myself. I was left with a feeling of apprehension and anticipation of what else I would discover in the seven weeks that followed.

The program I joined is called Tagalog On Site. It's a study abroad program designed specifically for Filipino Americans. I can honestly say that it was the greatest yet most difficult experience in my life thus far. Aside from teaching participants how to speak Tagalog, the program immerses individuals into various aspects of the extremely diverse Filipino culture while introducing them to issues that affect all Filipino people. The realities of a culture that I had blindly considered my own began to unfold before me. While learning about the many painful episodes throughout the history of the Philippines, we would venture out into the community and come face to face with how they manifested themselves and continue to plague the Philippines and the Filipino people. We entered the sex bars in Angeles City where foreigners would come and have their way with Filipinas as young as 15 years old. We visited the homes of families affected by the toxic waste left behind by US forces at Clark Air Force Base. We spoke to high school and college students about issues such as the Visiting Forces Agreement and the Veterans Equity Bill. We even met privately with government officials and inquired about their plans to serve the country and people they are supposed to represent and protect. We also explored the beauty of the Philippine landscape while hiking atop the Banaue rice paddies, the Eight Wonder of the World, and harvesting rice alongside Ifugao tribeswomen. For the first time in my life, I rode on top of a jeepney through mountain ranges so that we could plant trees alongside natives of Palawan to curb the negative effects of deforestation. These are but a few of the many experiences that opened my eyes to a reality that is hidden from those who do not or choose not to face it directly. It is a reality that all Filipino Americans who are searching for answers to their identity should be allowed to experience. It represents an aspect of who we are that we cannot truly fathom while living here in the United States. This experience has enabled me to develop a more profound understanding and appreciation of my history, my culture, my family, and myself.

Despite all of this however, I realize that my search is not over. In fact it may never end. It is walang hanggang (never-ending) as one of my fellow TOSers put it. But in order for this struggle for self-understanding to be fulfilling, we must best understand that aspect of who we are that we have the least access to. For those of you who have the opportunity to participate in a program such as this, I cannot encourage you enough to take advantage. It will be an experience that will open your eyes, your mind and many doors to your future as a Filipino American. Maraming salamat sa inyong lahat at huwag ninyong kalimutan ang mga salita ni Dr. Jose Rizal, " Ang hindi marunong lumingon sa pinanggalingan ay hindi makakarating sa paroroonan. (Thank you all, please remember the words of Dr. Jose Rizal, " Those who do not understand from where they came shall never reach their destiny.")

Randy Lizardo,
TOS Batch 2000

Note: Randy Lizardo is a medical student at George Washington University. Published in the NaFFAA Newsletter, September 1999

TOP >>